Non Violent Communication

Non-Violent Communication    
Marshall Rosenberg

Summary

Tips for better communication to be more understanding and less judgmental

Rating: 4/5

Notes

It’s not what you do that counts, it’s the quality of your attention

4 components of non-violent communication (NVC): observations, feelings, needs, requests

Once you give NVC to others, ask for it in return

  • What I’m observing, feeling and needing
  • What I am requesting to enrich my life
  • What they are observing feeling and needing
  • What are they requesting to enrich their lives

‘Do not judge and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you yourselves will be judged’ - Matthew Til

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own words and values

Classifying and judging people promotes violence

Comparisons are a form of judgement

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think and feel

We can never make people do anything

‘Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence’ - Krishnamurti

We are trained to be ‘other-directed’ rather than be in contact with ourselves

Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflict

Distinguish b/w what we feel and what we think we are

What others may do may be the stimulus of our feelings, not the cause

If we express our needs, we have a better chance of them getting met

If we don’t value our needs, others may not either

You are not responsible for others’ feelings

Accept responsibility for your own feelings and not the feelings of others while being aware we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others

Use positive language when making requests

Making requests in clean, positive, concrete language reveals what we really want

When we simply express our feelings, it may not be clear to the listener what we want them to do

Requests may sound like demans when unaccompanied by the speakers feelings and needs

Express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for reflection

It’s a request if the speaker shows empathy towards the other person’s needs

Empathy: emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

Ask before offering advice or reassurance

Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking

A difficult message becomes the opportunity to enrich someone’s life

Paraphrasing saves times

Reflect one’s own words back to them and validate their feelings

The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel

When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters

What bears the listener bears the speaker too

Empathy lies in our ability to be presented

Self judgement like all judgement are tragic expressions of unmet needs

With every choice you make, be conscious of the need it serves

We are never angry because of what other say or do

The cause of your anger lies in our thinking - in thoughts of blame and judgment

Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment

Steps to expressing anger:

  • Stop. Breathe.
  • Identify our judgmental thoughts
  • Connect with our needs
  • Express our feelings and unmet needs

Creating connection b/w people to solve a conflict is the most important thing

Learn to hear needs regardless of how people express them

We can liberate ourselves from cultural conditioning

Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong

Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility

We tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right

***

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How the World Works  
Noam Chomsky         

Summary

A combination of books Chomsky wrote in the 80s and 90s about America and it's role in the world. Fascinating read and insight into one of the great thinkers of the 21st century

Rating: 5/5

Notes

The US invaded Greece in 1947 and supported a horrendous war which led to 160k Greek deaths. This was the model for Vietnam and allowed American business to gain and thrive

US policies in the 3rd world consistently opposed democracies if they couldn’t be controlled as real democracies believe government should respond to the needs of their own population rather than those of US investors

US-run contra forces in the 3rd world isn’t ordering killing - it’s brutal sadistic torture (Nicaragua, El Salvador, Guatemala)

From the Bolshevik revolution in 1917 till the collapse of the communist governments in eastern europe in the 80s, it was possible to justify every US attack as defense against the Soviets

If you want a global system that’s subordinated to the needs of US investors, you can’t let pieces of it wander off. It’s clearly stated in the documents of record

The US wants ‘stability’ meaning security for the upper classes and large foreign businesses

Solid case for impeaching every American president since World War 2 either outright as war criminals or involved in serious war crimes

El Salvador and Nicaragua were not covered by the US media in the 70s when US-supported brutal torture and murder were taking place

In the early 80s, America’s friends slaughtered 10s of thousands of Guatemalans with countless others tortured and raped

After Vietnam, the major US policy goal has been to maximize repression and suffering of countries demonstrated by their violence - blocked other countries from seeking aid

The US regularly carries out or supports aggression

For most of the 20th century, the US was the dominant economic power and used economic warfare as a weapon ranging from illegal embargoes to enforcement of weak IMF rules with their military becoming pre-eminent

The US tries to avoid negotiations with countries as the US fears it will lose and other countries will be better off

When a state has huge debts, it must divert the population from what’s happening and they do this by inspiring fear of our enemies (Russia in Europe)

The real enemy of the US has always been ‘the poor who seek to plunder the rich’. In America, it’s the opposite and has been for generations

‘The war on drugs’ was a manufactured media blitz by the US leadership to distract the population, increase repression in inner cities and build support for attack on civil liberties

The US government blocks international effort to seek peace (Russia and Ukraine)

Major media are large companies owned and interlinked with even larger conglomerates. The market is the advertisers and the product is audiences

The power in the US lies in the hands of people who determine investment decisions as they determine production, distribution and staff the government. They want a passive, quiescent population

The struggle of freedom is never over and requires active and sustained efforts

One important consequence of globalization is it extends the third world model to industrial nations where the average person has their jobs shipped away while the rich and elite continue to amass massive amounts of wealth

We’ve moved to an international state with the IMF, World Bank, G7 & EU, WEF where the general population doesn’t know what’s happening and it doesn’t know it doesn’t know

If the borrowing the US has done was used for constructive purposes like investment or infrastructure, the US would be better off, but it was used to enrich the rich - for consumption, financial manipulation and speculation which are all harmful

The class warfare of the last few decades has successfully weakened popular organizations leaving people to feel isolated

The US is so deeply in debt to the international financial community because of debt that they have a lock on US policy

Many of the large number of security council resolutions vetoed by the US have to do with Israeli aggression or atrocities

Invaders typically use local collaborators to run things for them by playing upon existing rivalries to get onne group to work for them against another

European wars were wars of extermination. If we were to be honest about history, we would simply describe it as barbarian invasion

There has always been racism but it developed as a leading principle of thought in the context of colonialism. 

A standard technique of belief formation goes along with oppression

In the US, you’re not allowed to talk about the class differences, which is the real issue

When the US establishment talks about jobs, it means profits for its corporations

The elite are masters and they follow what Adam Smith said about ‘the vile maxim’ - all for ourselves and nothing for anyone else

People who aren’t owners and investors have nothing much to say in the US

Jefferson warned against banking institutions and corporations and said if they grow, aristocrats would’ve won and the revolution would’ve been lost

The ‘Free market’ is for the poor. We have a dual system - protection for the rich and market discipline for everyone else

There’s been a considerable increase in inequality and has the American society moving towards a third world model, thereby seeing increased crime and signs of social disintegration

A huge area of the media is dedicated to diverting people and making them more stupid and passive

There’s nothing individualistic about corporations who are totalitarian in nature

Free trade agreements result in reduced wages for local employees while predominantly benefiting the rich consumer while also destroying unions

Operation Paper Clip imported large number of known Nazi criminals

The American army’s counter-insurgency literature begins with an analysis of the German experience in Europe written with the co-operation of Naxi officials (instruments of statecraft - book)

US involvement in Chile with the coup in 1973 to reduce social democracy

The threat of a good empire is what the US worried about with reforms on uncontrolled capitalism

The US killed a few million people and destoryed 3 countries during the Vietnam war

A huge amount of business propaganda is to create wants

The answers to solve all these issues is to organize. Being alone you can’t do anything but if you join with other people, you can make changes

Under capitalism, investment is supposed to be as risk free as possible. No competition wants free markets - what they want is power

The government subsidizes corporations’ costs, protects them from market risks and lets them keep the profits

There’s never been much difference between the 2 business parties and the differences are disappearing

The CIA has been involved in drug running for generations (the politics of heroin book)

You need something to frighten people with, to prevent them from paying attention to what’s really happening to them. You have to engender fear and hatred

The first world lives in a highly indoctrinated society

Neoliberalism is nothing more than the imperial formula: free markets for you and plenty of protection for me. The rich would never accept it but they’re happy to impose it on the poor

The UN does mostly what US business wants

‘Politics is the shadow cast on society by big business’ - John Devery

If people dedicate themselves to organizing and activism, we’ll gain access to broader audiences

If you extrapolate to the future, it’s very ugly but the point is it’s not inevitable. It can be changed but we can’t change things till we understand them.

***

Buy the book here

Free E-book download here

Non Violent Communication

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Non-Violent Communication    
Marshall Rosenberg

Summary

Tips for better communication to be more understanding and less judgmental

Rating: 4/5

Notes

It’s not what you do that counts, it’s the quality of your attention

4 components of non-violent communication (NVC): observations, feelings, needs, requests

Once you give NVC to others, ask for it in return

  • What I’m observing, feeling and needing
  • What I am requesting to enrich my life
  • What they are observing feeling and needing
  • What are they requesting to enrich their lives

‘Do not judge and you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you yourselves will be judged’ - Matthew Til

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own words and values

Classifying and judging people promotes violence

Comparisons are a form of judgement

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think and feel

We can never make people do anything

‘Observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence’ - Krishnamurti

We are trained to be ‘other-directed’ rather than be in contact with ourselves

Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflict

Distinguish b/w what we feel and what we think we are

What others may do may be the stimulus of our feelings, not the cause

If we express our needs, we have a better chance of them getting met

If we don’t value our needs, others may not either

You are not responsible for others’ feelings

Accept responsibility for your own feelings and not the feelings of others while being aware we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others

Use positive language when making requests

Making requests in clean, positive, concrete language reveals what we really want

When we simply express our feelings, it may not be clear to the listener what we want them to do

Requests may sound like demans when unaccompanied by the speakers feelings and needs

Express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for reflection

It’s a request if the speaker shows empathy towards the other person’s needs

Empathy: emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

Ask before offering advice or reassurance

Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking

A difficult message becomes the opportunity to enrich someone’s life

Paraphrasing saves times

Reflect one’s own words back to them and validate their feelings

The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel

When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters

What bears the listener bears the speaker too

Empathy lies in our ability to be presented

Self judgement like all judgement are tragic expressions of unmet needs

With every choice you make, be conscious of the need it serves

We are never angry because of what other say or do

The cause of your anger lies in our thinking - in thoughts of blame and judgment

Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment

Steps to expressing anger:

  • Stop. Breathe.
  • Identify our judgmental thoughts
  • Connect with our needs
  • Express our feelings and unmet needs

Creating connection b/w people to solve a conflict is the most important thing

Learn to hear needs regardless of how people express them

We can liberate ourselves from cultural conditioning

Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong

Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility

We tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right

***

Buy the book here

Free E-book download here