Never Split the Difference
Chris Voss
Summary
An exceptional read that teaches you about the art and science about negotiation from a former FBI top hostage negotiator. There’s some amazing insights in this book into how you can influence the other side.
Rating: 4/5
Notes
When you start, learn about as much information as possible from the other side
Get your counter parts to feel safe talking about what they want
Actively listen to start and dedicate your full attention to them
Slow the process down and don’t make the other person feel rushed
Speak in a calm, soothing voice because the other person feels reassured
Use a positive/playful voice and smile because the other person will pick it up
Mirroring is an unconscious phenomenon and technique used subtly
Mirroring is repeating the last 3 words of what someone just said
When someone from authority threatens you:
- Use the late night FM/DJ voice
- Start with I’m sorry…
- Mirror
- Silence. At least 4 seconds to let the mirror work
- Repeat
Whenever asking someone to do something, mirror them and they’ll rethink
Negotiation is a process of discovery of information
Remember tactical empathy: try to understand the other side’s emotions
Labeling is repeating someone’s emotions back to them and empathizing
If you say ‘it seems like…’ & then stay quiet, people will talk
Always acknowledge your mistakes to your superior
Acknowledge someone else’s feelings in a non-judgemental way and reference the label to make it about them
Commit to an accusation audit when you talk about how bad you have been and the potential downfalls
When meeting someone, acknowledge someone’s feelings, label, mirror what they are saying and then slide in a request
Use silence and pauses to your advantage
Everyone wants to be appreciated and understood so always look at everything from their perspective
‘No’ starts a negotiation so try and get the other side to say ‘no’
The other person must feel they are coming to a similar decision and they have had a say in it, not just you
Re-frame: your words ‘is now a bad time to talk?’ Make it a negative for them
Get people to say no and agree because they’re negative emotions will get them to listen
Get people to talk about what they would say no to and say something deliberately wrong
Look for ‘nos’ in a conversation and negotiation
Let the other party negotiate in their world, it’s about them not you
Trigger a ‘that’s right’ in a person w/ a summary
- Use the tactics from before to completely describe the other person’s point of view
Get them to say ‘that’s right’, not ‘you’re right’
Use a summary of their situation to get a ‘that’s right
Never split the difference and accept compromise because the good deals are often tackling tough subjects
People are likely to cave and give the best deals when there’s time on the clock and they’re against a deadline
Deadlines are often negotiable and you get a better deal if you tell the other side about the deadline
The word ‘fair’ is important in a negotiation
To start a negotiation, use the line ‘I want you to feel like you’re being fairly treated this entire time and if you feel that I’ve been unfair, stop me and we’ll address it’
In a tough negotiation, you have to make the other side feel as though they have something to lose if the negotiation falls through
In a salary or monetary negotiation, always let the other side make an offer first
Always give a range for salary or monetary offers
In a salary negotiation, try to get the other side to be invested in your success by asking ‘what makes someone successful here?’
Bend your counter part’s reality by anchoring the starting point
Ask open-ended questions that lead with a ‘how’
Ask ‘how am I supposed to do that?’
Make your counter part think they are guiding the conversation with open ended questions
Try to start a question with ‘what’ and ‘how’, not ‘why’
Key to anything is self-control and regulation of emotion. Stop and think
There is a team on the other side all the time
Always always ask questions
Always ask ‘how does the rest of your team/everyone else feel about this?’
With tought negotiations, dodge and weave and continue to ask questions
7% is the words, 38% is the tone of voice and 55% is the speaker’s face and body language. Pick up on non-verbal cues
Liars tend to use other pronouns and more complex sentences
The deal makers tend not to use personal pronours and the people who do are less important
Use your name in a fun/friendly way and humanize yourself
To get an offer down, use the no 4 step rule where you politely say no in a variety of ways to get them to care
Remain focused on the end goal and don’t get caught up in the middle
Ask ‘how’ questions again and again
Use the rule of three: use calibrated questions, summaries and labels to get your counter part to reaffirm the agreement at least 3 times
Humor and humanity are the best ways to break the ice
USE THE MIRROR, IT REALLY WORKS
With analysts on the other side of the table, be prepared and do the prep
- Focus on facts, use data, warm them of issues, no surprises
- Smile as an analyst and people will give you more info
If you’re an accomodator, use your friendly skills but do not sacrifice your objectives
With assertive negotiators, use the mirroring technique
Ask about alternatives and what they can offer instead of monetary
Never be needy for a deal and you have to be willing to walk away
Ackman model for haggling:
- Set your target price (goal)
- Set your first offer at 65% of your target price
- Calculate the raise in 3 decreasing increments (85, 95 and 100 percent)
- Use empathy and different ways of saying ‘no’ to get the other side to counter
- When calculating the final amount, use precise, non-round numbers
- On the final number, throw a non-monetary item to show you’re at the limit
Decrease offers, non-round numbers, deep research, smart labeling and saying ‘no’ without saying ‘no’
Get ready to take a punch w/ kick-ass negotiators and prepare
Identify and utilize black swans, the unknown unknowns
Black swan is the events that cannot be predicted
You must remain flexible and adaptable to any and every situation
Ask lots of questions, read non-verbal cues and voice your observations with the counterpart
Dont look to verify what you know but open up to the factual reality
Figure out what the other side values, who is their audience, what worries them, what signifies status and reputation to them?
Review everything you hear
Show you’re similar, to the person on the other side
If someone is perceived as ‘crazy’ find out what they don’t know and tell them
To find out about the black swan, get facetime (meet in person)
Observe unguarded moments/the moments in between
Push hard for what you believe as a decent/honest person
Don’t avoid honest, clear conflict
Black swans live in the person’s worldview: life, religion, emotions (find out about those)
If someone seems irrational, search for constraints, hidden desires and bad info
Write down an optimistic but reasonable goal
Summarize what you want to start
It seems like ___ (accusation audit)
Prepare a list of non-cash items that would be valuable
***
Buy the book here
Free E-book download here
How the World Works
Noam Chomsky
Summary
A combination of books Chomsky wrote in the 80s and 90s about America and it's role in the world. Fascinating read and insight into one of the great thinkers of the 21st century
Rating: 5/5
Notes
The US invaded Greece in 1947 and supported a horrendous war which led to 160k Greek deaths. This was the model for Vietnam and allowed American business to gain and thrive
US policies in the 3rd world consistently opposed democracies if they couldn’t be controlled as real democracies believe government should respond to the needs of their own population rather than those of US investors
US-run contra forces in the 3rd world isn’t ordering killing - it’s brutal sadistic torture (Nicaragua, El Salvador, Guatemala)
From the Bolshevik revolution in 1917 till the collapse of the communist governments in eastern europe in the 80s, it was possible to justify every US attack as defense against the Soviets
If you want a global system that’s subordinated to the needs of US investors, you can’t let pieces of it wander off. It’s clearly stated in the documents of record
The US wants ‘stability’ meaning security for the upper classes and large foreign businesses
Solid case for impeaching every American president since World War 2 either outright as war criminals or involved in serious war crimes
El Salvador and Nicaragua were not covered by the US media in the 70s when US-supported brutal torture and murder were taking place
In the early 80s, America’s friends slaughtered 10s of thousands of Guatemalans with countless others tortured and raped
After Vietnam, the major US policy goal has been to maximize repression and suffering of countries demonstrated by their violence - blocked other countries from seeking aid
The US regularly carries out or supports aggression
For most of the 20th century, the US was the dominant economic power and used economic warfare as a weapon ranging from illegal embargoes to enforcement of weak IMF rules with their military becoming pre-eminent
The US tries to avoid negotiations with countries as the US fears it will lose and other countries will be better off
When a state has huge debts, it must divert the population from what’s happening and they do this by inspiring fear of our enemies (Russia in Europe)
The real enemy of the US has always been ‘the poor who seek to plunder the rich’. In America, it’s the opposite and has been for generations
‘The war on drugs’ was a manufactured media blitz by the US leadership to distract the population, increase repression in inner cities and build support for attack on civil liberties
The US government blocks international effort to seek peace (Russia and Ukraine)
Major media are large companies owned and interlinked with even larger conglomerates. The market is the advertisers and the product is audiences
The power in the US lies in the hands of people who determine investment decisions as they determine production, distribution and staff the government. They want a passive, quiescent population
The struggle of freedom is never over and requires active and sustained efforts
One important consequence of globalization is it extends the third world model to industrial nations where the average person has their jobs shipped away while the rich and elite continue to amass massive amounts of wealth
We’ve moved to an international state with the IMF, World Bank, G7 & EU, WEF where the general population doesn’t know what’s happening and it doesn’t know it doesn’t know
If the borrowing the US has done was used for constructive purposes like investment or infrastructure, the US would be better off, but it was used to enrich the rich - for consumption, financial manipulation and speculation which are all harmful
The class warfare of the last few decades has successfully weakened popular organizations leaving people to feel isolated
The US is so deeply in debt to the international financial community because of debt that they have a lock on US policy
Many of the large number of security council resolutions vetoed by the US have to do with Israeli aggression or atrocities
Invaders typically use local collaborators to run things for them by playing upon existing rivalries to get onne group to work for them against another
European wars were wars of extermination. If we were to be honest about history, we would simply describe it as barbarian invasion
There has always been racism but it developed as a leading principle of thought in the context of colonialism.
A standard technique of belief formation goes along with oppression
In the US, you’re not allowed to talk about the class differences, which is the real issue
When the US establishment talks about jobs, it means profits for its corporations
The elite are masters and they follow what Adam Smith said about ‘the vile maxim’ - all for ourselves and nothing for anyone else
People who aren’t owners and investors have nothing much to say in the US
Jefferson warned against banking institutions and corporations and said if they grow, aristocrats would’ve won and the revolution would’ve been lost
The ‘Free market’ is for the poor. We have a dual system - protection for the rich and market discipline for everyone else
There’s been a considerable increase in inequality and has the American society moving towards a third world model, thereby seeing increased crime and signs of social disintegration
A huge area of the media is dedicated to diverting people and making them more stupid and passive
There’s nothing individualistic about corporations who are totalitarian in nature
Free trade agreements result in reduced wages for local employees while predominantly benefiting the rich consumer while also destroying unions
Operation Paper Clip imported large number of known Nazi criminals
The American army’s counter-insurgency literature begins with an analysis of the German experience in Europe written with the co-operation of Naxi officials (instruments of statecraft - book)
US involvement in Chile with the coup in 1973 to reduce social democracy
The threat of a good empire is what the US worried about with reforms on uncontrolled capitalism
The US killed a few million people and destoryed 3 countries during the Vietnam war
A huge amount of business propaganda is to create wants
The answers to solve all these issues is to organize. Being alone you can’t do anything but if you join with other people, you can make changes
Under capitalism, investment is supposed to be as risk free as possible. No competition wants free markets - what they want is power
The government subsidizes corporations’ costs, protects them from market risks and lets them keep the profits
There’s never been much difference between the 2 business parties and the differences are disappearing
The CIA has been involved in drug running for generations (the politics of heroin book)
You need something to frighten people with, to prevent them from paying attention to what’s really happening to them. You have to engender fear and hatred
The first world lives in a highly indoctrinated society
Neoliberalism is nothing more than the imperial formula: free markets for you and plenty of protection for me. The rich would never accept it but they’re happy to impose it on the poor
The UN does mostly what US business wants
‘Politics is the shadow cast on society by big business’ - John Devery
If people dedicate themselves to organizing and activism, we’ll gain access to broader audiences
If you extrapolate to the future, it’s very ugly but the point is it’s not inevitable. It can be changed but we can’t change things till we understand them.
***
Buy the book here
Free E-book download here
